I just spent the last couple of hours reading about the youtube abuse things that happened a few months ago and yet my post became about racism
I have so many thoughts and I can’t seem to get them marshalled into sentences. But I’ll try. Bear with me if I make no sense.
I am sorry that I can never truly understand what racism means because I am white. I am sorry that I was brought up in a society that taught me to believe that anyone who looks or speaks differently than me are bad or lesser human than me. I am sorry that when I see a black person or a person of colour I think about them differently than if they would have been white.
However, I am trying to change the way I think. Every time a thought like ”Wow he’s dressed fancy for a black guy” or something similarly racist and bigoted enter my mind, as a reflex another thought immediately follows saying ”But hey, you don’t know anything about this person from their skin colour.” I am trying. But it’s difficult to unlearn a long history of racism and prejudice.
I am not sorry that I was born white. That is not something I can change.
I am sorry that prejudice and racism still exists and I am sorry if I am helping it in any way. I do not mean to be prejudiced, in my opinion it is something you learn from your surroundings and your environment as you grow up and it takes a lot of time and effort to unlearn it.
As I’ve grown older and educated myself I’ve realised that the people in my family are racist. Some are less aware of this than others, but that does not change the fact that they are racist. It is something that I, ever since I became aware of it, have been trying to change but no matter what I have said a lot of them still choose to believe in racial stereotypes. And that angers me in ways I can’t even express. That my own family, whom I love, should be so narrow-minded and bigoted is something I will never fully come to terms with.
It gives me hope, though, that some (regrettably not all) of the younger generation in my family are more open-minded and less prejudiced against racial stereotypes. It gives me hope for a future where children will not inherit their parents’ prejudice and instead see people of every race and colour as equals.
I could make another post about privilege, but that will not be today as I have to get up tomorrow morning.
Please let me know if there is any part of this post/ my views that could be considered racist as I would like to know if there’s something I’m unaware of.
Also sorry if some of these sentences don’t make sense, it’s late and English is my second language.
five sets of two hands, fingers spread wide
my best friend lying next to me squeaks out
“never have I ever masturbated”
a chortle and a shrug between the boys as they flick down their obligatory fingers
and I can’t help but feel a twinge in my stomach as my pinky follows suit
the silence in the room is thick and grey and suddenly sliced by
have you ever experienced fun?
I pull away a hair caught in my scarlet lipstick
in my reflection I see my table mate from english class
behind me she blinks twice and scoffs
“who are you trying to impress?”
the bathroom door is closed behind her before I can ask
the last time she did something to impress herself.
before a trip to the mall
one of my friends spends two hours
perfecting her bronzer
and choosing the perfect pair of shoes
the other rubs in dry shampoo
and is out the door in less than five minutes
they are two of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen.
my father calls me beautiful through a mouthful of popcorn
as I pour a glass of milk to accompany my now third piece of leftover birthday cake
he plants a kiss on my cheek and I grin as I wipe it away.
she asks me what to do to start loving herself
and I send her away to my full length mirror
and demand to only speak to her
when she’s found something to adore
the way I did with my knobby knees
and tiger-striped hips
and big square teeth
fifteen minutes go by
and she finally points to the freckles on her nose
splits into a grin
the one that makes everyone weak in the knees
and I watch the lightbulb go off above her head
as she realizes
it’s never been her job to hate her body
i tell my sister she looks cute today
and the look on her boyfriend’s face
when she blurts out “damn right I do!”
I used to worry that I’d never find someone who loved me at all
and now my biggest fear
is finding someone who can adore me as much as I’ve come to.